but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
