Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
