She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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