I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
