You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
