I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I look better un-naked...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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