after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
whose ass print is on the piano?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
