You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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