Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
