So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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