Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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