I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
