billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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