it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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