my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
