6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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