Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
