Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
