people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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