I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
