im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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