I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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