you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
