If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize