I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
