hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
