Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
