well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
