He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
