It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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