Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
