I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
