My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
