i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
