I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
