We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
