Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
