It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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