The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
