I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
