Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
