I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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