plz talk dirty to me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
smell my finger.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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