I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
