C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
