The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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