I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
