Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i love accidental penises.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
