Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
