Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
