well I can't set my house on fire every night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
