I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
