Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
