they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
