I wish my penis had an off switch
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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