now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
