Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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