I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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