So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
not ubering you a puppy
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
