I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
