I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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