my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
