I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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