Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just tell him i said nine months
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
