The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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